


Operation Dollophead(aka when Lance spent all his money on the tavern)

by lightningbugqueen



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angry Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Angst, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Banter, Drunk Merlin (Merlin), Dudes Being Gay, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Everyone knows except Uther, Flirting, Funny, Gwaine Being Gwaine (Merlin), Gwaine Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), Humor, Kissing, Lancelot buys drinks, M/M, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, POV Outsider, PTSD, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sassy Merlin (Merlin), UST, the knights spend more time in the tavern than Arthur thinks Merlin does, there's a master plan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28533444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightningbugqueen/pseuds/lightningbugqueen
Summary: Have you ever had two friends who can’t stop dancing around each other? Gwaine has. Gwaine has lived this way for months. And Gwaine will have no more. That is why Gwaine, the gorgeous genius that he is, has concocted a plan.Gwaine’s five step plan to get the Clotpole and the Dollophead Together1. Get Merlin to admit his feelings for Arthur2. Get Arthur to admit he doesn’t hate Merlin3. Have Arthur heroically save Merlin’s life4. Set the two up on a date5. Buy yourself a drink for a job well doneMaybe this one will actually work out....
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 62
Kudos: 227





	1. The Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I've really enjoyed writing this, and I hope you'll like it!

Gwaine’s five step plan to get the Clotpole and the Dollophead Together 

  1. Get Merlin to admit his feelings for Arthur
  2. ~~Get Arthur to admit his feelings for Merlin~~ Get Arthur to admit he doesn’t _hate_ Merlin
  3. Have Arthur heroically save Merlin’s life
  4. Set the two up on a date
  5. Buy yourself a drink for a job well done 



“Hurry _up_ , Merlin!” Arthur called out.

Merlin stumbled over his own feet as he ambled after the prince, making no effort to go faster. His arms were laden with the man's armor and sword, which were spilling out of his grasp every few moments. The knights of the Round Table(Minus Gwaine) were sitting around in the armory, just finishing up after a training session where Arthur and Merlin had joined them. 

“ _Merlin_!” 

“Oh, I’m sorry _sire_ ,” Merlin grumbled under his breath, “I wasn’t aware that being yelled at by a fat dollophead would magically make me go faster,” the knights nearby chuckled. Camelots knights, especially those of the Round Table, were more than used to the pair’s banter. There were actually many bets placed on when or if they would begin courting. Mostly when. 

“Say that again, Merlin?” Fury burned in Arthur’s eyes as he continued to stalk in front of Merlin. 

“Oh, of course, my lord! I said you were a spoiled brat and a dollophead who should be more worried about the number of notches in that belt than the poor manservant lugging your things around!” Arthur whirled around, hands turning into fists. 

“And that’s my cue to leave!” Merlin exclaimed, promptly bouncing on his feet and shoving all the armor into Percival’s nearby arms. “It was good seeing you, fellas, but I’ll be going now!” With that he raced past the infuriated prince and headed for the castle. 

“MERLIN!” he roared, “Get back here so I can beat your ass!” He too now ran for the castle, leaving several grinning knights and Lancelot already in tears. 

“Gods, those two,” said Elyan, still relatively new to the whole Arthur-Merlin dynamic, “Sometimes I honestly can’t tell if they hate each other or love each other.”

“Love each other,” said Lancelot, Percival, and Leon at the same time. Elyan shrugged and nodded his head.

“Who loves each other?” asked Gwaine while waltzing into the room and taking a large bite of an apple. 

“Arthur and Merlin,” answered Percival before unceremoniously dropping the prince’s things to the floor with a clang. 

“And we didn’t know this already?” he asked, not bothering to wait for an answer. “However, this does bring me to the reason I have graced you with my presence this fine morning,” He stood there, hands and apple behind his back, looking around the room with a wide, slightly maniacal grin. The room remained silent before Leon finally gave in. 

“And what’s that?”

“Why thank you for asking, Leon!” Gwaine’s grin grew wider, “I...” he paused for dramatic effect, “Have a plan. A great plan, I might say. A stupendous, foolproof, worldchanging plan. A plan of intrigue, mystery, romance, and wonder! A plan that is so amazing, so brilliant so--”

“Just get on with it, Gwaine!” Lancelot called out. 

“Well,” he said before taking another bite out of his apple and taking an absurd amount of time chewing, “We’ve all noticed the chemistry between our fearless leader and his prince,” Elyan snorted, “but we’ve also all noticed how incredibly _stupid_ the both of them are! Now, we can continue living in this perilous realm of unresolved sexual tension, or we can do something about it. And good for all of you, I have concocted a plan.” 

“Yes, you’ve said that, Gwaine,” grumbled Percival. 

“Right! But what I haven’t told you is what exactly my plan entails!” he whipped a ripped piece of parchment from who knows where, and began to read, “Gwaine’s five step plan to get the Clotpole and the Dollophead together! One: Get Merlin to Admit his feelings for Arthur. This should be easy enough, the princess doesn’t call him a girl for nothing. 

“Two: Get Arthur to admit that he doesn’t actually hate Merlin. A true challenge, I might say. 

“Three: Have Arthur heroically save Merlin’s life. He does it often enough, but we must orchestrate it this time, which will be much harder. 

“Four: Set the two up on a date. Easy. And five: Buy yourself a drink for a job well done! See, foolproof!” 

“Considering you’re the one who made the list, I highly doubt that,” Lancelot said, “Remember that picnic you planned for Gwen and I?”

“That goose came out of nowhere, Lancelot, that wasn’t my fault!” 

“And the month old cheese that gave me food poisoning?”

“That may have been a little my fault,” Gwaine frowned, before brightening again, “But it’s besides the point! What I’m saying is that I have a way to finally get them to court!” 

“I don’t know, Gwaine,” Leon said, “Do you think they want us playing with their love lives like that? This could go really wrong.” 

“Leon, we have been through too much together for you to give up on me now,” Gwaine’s voice grew solemn, “Yes, these men are horribly emotionally constipated. Yes, Arthur would rather die than admit he loves anyone. And yes, this very well may be the challenge that finally takes us down. This will be the hardest, most fearsome thing we will face, but we are the knights of the Round Table! I dare say, if we can do this, then we can do anything. The sexual tension has grown too strong, and we must put a stop to it. I implore you, join me on this brave quest, and we may just be able to save Camelot yet,” that smile returned, and he jumped back, “And hey, if not, I don’t really need you to do this. I know the other three will help, it’d just go a lot better with you!” Leon glanced around at the other knights and earned sheepish nods. 

“Oh, alright fine,” he gave in, “Someone needs to make sure you don’t get into too much trouble. What do you need me to do?” 

“Hooray!” Gwaine rejoiced, “Now, gather round, ye children, there is work to be done.” 

And thus began, as they so fondly named it, Operation Dollophead. 

  
  



	2. Step One: Get Merlin to Admit His Feelings for Arthur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancelot must get Merlin to admit he loves Arthur. Will it go as easily as he thinks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't quite as high action as some others will be, but I hope you enjoy!

Two days later, Step One of Operation Dollophead was set in motion. It was Lancelot’s night to guard the vaults, and Gwaine had come up with a foolproof plan. And by foolproof, it probably wouldn’t work, but hey, they could try. 

This is how Lancelot found himself begging Merlin to come on guard duty. 

“Please Merlin?”

“Why in the world do you even want me to come?” Merlin asked incredulously. 

“Um… I have a plan!”

“A plan?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yeah! A… prank! On Arthur!” Lancelot was grasping at straws, but he really needed Merlin to come with him. 

“Why do you need me to come on guard duty with you for a prank?”

“We need to plan it in secret. Arthur never comes downstairs, so I thought we could plan there.” Lancelot was really good at improvising, if he didn’t say so himself. 

“Alright then,” he said, “I’d never pass up a chance to prank Arthur. I’ll come, but it’d better be good.” Merlin's signature planning grin split his face, and they set up a time and place to meet so they could head down together. 

Lancelot ran off to tell Gwaine the good news, and to actually plan a prank to play on Arthur. 

* * *

As they walked down the many stairs, they discussed the various happenings in the castle. Merlin told Lancelot about an affair going on between a maid and a married squire, while Lance informed Merlin(who actually already knew) that Gwaine had found yet another unattainable woman to court--this time a visiting royal. Gwaine had an unfortunate tendency to flirt with everyone, but always ended up professing his undying love for men and women who wouldn’t have him. It wasn’t actually that surprising to Lancelot. He was Gwaine, after all. 

The two men sat on a rickety bench outside of the vault door; their status earned them the privilege to be seated rather than standing like the lesser knights on either side of the door. Security had been upped after so many break ins, which was why knights of the Round Table were even tasked with such a boring job. Company always made it better, though. Often Gwaine would visit whomever was on guard duty, and depending on who it was, it was either very enjoyable or incredibly annoying. 

“Er, Merlin,” Lancelot said once Merlin was done mimicking Gwaine’s pouting after yet another let down from the princess, “That actually reminds me of something I’ve been meaning to talk with you about.” 

“What is it?” the warlock asked, sounding mildly worried. 

“Well, Gwaine going after someone so far out of his league made me think about my relationship with Gwen. We have such different stations, and while the two of us don’t care, I’ve noticed some higher ups sniffing their noses at us. I’m worried, do you think it’s the smart thing to continue courting her? What if she gets hurt?” Now, these worries were very real to Lancelot, if not as important as he made them seem. All part of the plan. 

“Lancelot, Gwen is a strong woman. She can take care of herself you know. And, if she can’t, she’s got a prince, the best knights in Camelot, and a warlock to back her up. Love is what really matters in a relationship, not status. You know how I, of all people, feel about that.” Merlin was always such a wonderful and comforting friend. 

“Yeah, I do,” the boy had been one of the main people to encourage Lancelot to court Gwen. “You’re right. No matter what someone’s station is, if they love each other, they deserve to be together.”

Merlin nodded his head in assent. 

“Merlin, I know this may rather personal, but can I ask you something else?” 

“Lancelot, you are one of my closest friends. You can ask me anything,” he gave that sweet little half grin that made the maiden(and many of the men) swoon. 

“Have you ever thought about it? Finding someone new in your life?”

“What? No!” Merlin sounded.... Offended. “Of course not! I’m good right where I am.”  _ Damn _ , Lancelot thought. “Hang on,” the boy continued, his voice rising in volume, “Have  _ you? _ With all the questions tonight… I swear to all that is mighty if you break Gwen’s heart--!”

“No, no, no,” the knight interrupted him, “I’d never dream of it. Gwen is it for me, she is everything I’ve ever wanted. Just asking, is all.” 

“Good,” Merlin harrumphed, “Now, are you gonna tell me about this prank on Arthur or what?” 

Sure, Lancelot hadn’t even gotten Merlin to touch on his feelings for Arthur, but at least he got some quality time with his friends. And the prank tomorrow was sure to make Arthur mad enough to send Merlin to the stocks. Most of the time that kind of prank involved magic, but ever since Arthur found out, they had gotten much easier to pull off. The perks of a magical manservant were never ending. 

* * *

Two hours later, after the pair had been relieved and Merlin went back to Gaiuses chambers, Lancelot joined the rest of the knights in a local tavern. The place was packed, but being a knight of the Round Table had its advantages. Someone, probably Gwaine, had managed to secure two small tables pushed together for the knights, and after Lancelot ordered himself a pint, he joined his friends. 

“So?” asked Leon. Despite his initial reservations, the man had been one of the main planners for Operation Dollophead. 

Lancelot simply shook his head, and the entire table groaned as one. 

“Lancelot, we were counting on you!” exclaimed an already drunk Gwaine, “How could you let us down like this? That’s it, drinks are on you tonight!”

“What? You drink as much as this entire table combined, there’s no way I can afford all that!” Lancelot complained. 

“You shoulda thought o’ that when you failed Step One! And yer a knight of the Round Table now, you can too afford it!” Gwaine swung his tankard as he talked. 

Lancelot grumbled his assent and went to the barmaid to tell her to put all their drinks on his tab. 

“Lost a bet?” she asked in response to his gloomy face. 

“Something like that.” He didn’t elaborate before going back to the table, solemnly sipping his ale, and watching his friends drink far more than usual. Bastards. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Chapter Three should come in a few days, and there may or may not be a high speed chase involved. Leave me a comment to let me know how you're liking it!


	3. Step Two: Get Arthur to admit he doesn't hate Merlin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The prank is pulled, and Arthur does feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters in three days, ya'll! I'm proud.

Early in the morning of the next day, Lancelot and Merlin could be found not so subtly waiting outside of Arthur’s door for him to wake. Over the course of the last few hours, the prank had been set in motion, and while they desperately wanted to hear his reaction, they were set to run at any moment. Arthur had a tendency to react violently to many of the pranks, unlike Merlin who simply sought his revenge. Perhaps this was why the prince was the most pranked of all of them by far. 

Arthur’s regular guards, used to the friend’s antics by now, were whispering to each other about what the prank would be this time. Last week there had been a ferret in his bed, and there had been a memorable moment a few months ago involving wasps, chicken grease, and a forever traumatized George. Merlin didn’t feel bad about that in the slightest. 

Said warlock was spinning on his feet and whistling tunelessly when an enormous, “MERLIN!” erupted from the prince’s chamber. 

“GO!” yelled Lancelot as he took off running towards the kitchens, Merlin hot on his heels. They turned the corner of the hallway, sliding on carpet, just as Arthur’s door burst open. As they kept up their breakneck pace, Merlin could swear he heard the guards collapsing on themselves in laughter. It really was a good prank. 

There was no time to think about that now, however, as Lancelot and he skipped steps on the stairs and feared for their lives as the footsteps of the prince pounded behind them. 

“Merlin get back here so I can rip your bloody ears off!” echoed loudly behind them. Business as usual then. 

Finally, they reached the kitchen door where Gwaine and Percival waited with a distraction. Merlin high fived Gwaine on his way through the door, before calling out in displeasure as Lancelot betrayed him and went to lean casually against the wall beside Perce. What a scoundrel! Somehow, nearly every time they pulled a prank, it was  _ Merlin _ getting blamed for it, even if the entire thing was someone else’s idea! Damn knights. 

He stuck his head back through the door, but had no time to give Lance a good talking to, because just at that moment Arthur burst through the stairwell door. He was out of breath, still in his sleep clothes, and decidedly  _ magenta haired _ . 

“Merlin!” he called out on sight of the manservant, “What did you  _ do _ ?” 

Merlin's eyes flashed wide before he pulled his head back and slammed the door. He unfortunately didn’t get to watch the spectacle going on on the other side of said door(Gwaine had a sheet and Percival had… well, Percival) as he shot through the kitchen at a dash. 

The cook waved her spoon at him, and Gwen shouted, “Good luck, Merlin!” after him.

It was a good day. 

* * *

“A day in the stocks,” Arthur ordered, “You’ll have to muck out the horses for a week,  _ and _ you’re going to tell me how to get my hair right back to the way it was!” Merlin couldn’t care less. Sure, he had been dragged to the throne room where Arthur had been chewing him out for the past half hour, and sure, he wouldn’t be getting much sleep for the next few days, but it was worth it. It was so very worth it to see Arthur, in all his princely garb, looking like a fairy had taken a dump on his head. 

“Well…” he said, “I actually don’t know how to fix it. It should wear off in a couple days, though!” he added hurriedly at the look on Arthur’s face. 

“A couple  _ days _ ?!” the prince asked, volume rising, “Merlin, I have things I need to do! I can’t go around looking like this! You bloody idiot! You buffoon! You--you, dollophead!” 

“That’s my word!” Merlin said in fake indignation. 

“And it suits you perfectly.” Their banter was still at large, despite the supposedly tense situation. 

“Alright, I can ask Gaius if he knows any ways to speed it up. Can I go now?” 

“Fine, take him away,” Arthur told the guards, before yelling after his servant, “One more stunt like this and I’m replacing you with George!” Merlin just laughed. 

“We both know you won’t!” He called out before exiting the hall. 

Arthur turned and sat in his chair at the head of the table. 

Now, the knights actually had a plan to get Arthur to admit that he didn’t really hate Merlin(Gwaine’s original Step Two was for him to admit his love, however, he was pretty sure that was unattainable) but an idea struck Leon at that moment that was too good to waste. 

He whispered to Gwaine, got his approval, and remained behind as the rest of the knights exited as well. Then he went and took a seat beside the future King. 

“Sire, would you really?” he asked. 

“Really what?” Arthur replied, still acting grumpy and pulling at his pinkish hair. 

“Replace Merlin.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Well,” he said hesitantly, “You always complain about him. You call him an awful servant, and a clotpole, and a dollophead all the time. You threaten it often enough. I know you’re close, we all do, but would you ever actually think about replacing him?”

“Of course not!” Arthur exclaimed, sounding surprised, “He may be a bloody idiot, but he’s Merlin. He’s been my manservant for years, and he knows me. I thought you knew those were empty threats. He does, right?” He sounded worried about the warlock. Ah, young love. 

“I think so. Wouldn’t hurt to tell him that, though.” Arthur nodded in contemplation, “So you don’t hate him, then.” Leon asked, cringing a bit. Arthur wasn’t the best at feelings, but it seemed he was better when discussing his servant. 

“No, I don’t,” he said solemnly, “He’s Merlin. No one could hate him, Clotpole or not.” 

That was… an actual confession. A sweet, loving statement of his feelings for Merlin. Not “I love him,” or anything of the like, but it was about as close as one could expect from Arthur. A small smile grew on Leon’s face as he remembered a time when he had felt that same way. It would be a real disappointment if this plan didn’t work. 

At that moment, Leon decided that Gwaine wasn’t actually doing this for himself. They all cared about the prince and his manservant like family, and all the knights really just wanted them to be happy. Merlin made Arthur happy, and vice versa. They deserved each other, and Leon vowed that he would see the day they finally got up the nerve to tell each other. 

“Thank you, sire,” said Leon before rising and leaving as well. 

* * *

An hour later, he joined the rest of the knights in the tavern for lunch. He bounded into the room, excited to share his news. 

“So?” Elyan called out excitedly. 

“Standing before you, my good sirs, is a man who has heard Arthur Pendragon, crown prince of Camelot say that he has no intention of replacing Merlin and does not hate his manservant in the slightest!” Leon gave a very un-Leon-like performance of his announcement, overjoyed to tell his friends. 

“Huzzah!” Gwaine called out.

“Huzzah!” echoed the rest of the knights. 

“You know,” Leon said, sitting down and snagging some food from Gwaine’s plate, “I really doubted you at first. But from my conversation with Arthur, I actually think they’re closer to confessing their feelings than we thought. We just might pull this off!” 

“Wonderful news, my friend,” Gwaine said, draping an arm around Leon’s shoulder, “And as payment for you good deeds, all your drinks are on Lancelot tonight.”

“Why me?” Lancelot exclaimed, sounding offended. 

“Well Leon here managed to complete his step of the plan,” exclaimed Gwaine, as if to a toddler, “And  _ you _ did not! Therefore, drinks on you!” Lancelot banged his head on the table, all the happiness from Arthur’s confession evaporated in a cloud of ale smelling misery. Why were his friends like this? 

Leon, on the other hand, indulged a bit more than usual as celebration. And maybe to annoy Lancelot. Who was to say?

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment to share your thoughts! Next chapter's gonna be fun!


	4. Step Three: Have Arthur heroically save Merlin’s life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Step three does not go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this was supposed to be a light and fluffy fic. Unfortunately, I am, in fact, a monster. Here, have a bucketload of angst. Enjoy :)

“Gwaine,” Arthur called out, “Do you  _ ever _ stop talking?” The knights of the Round Table, all except for Percival, who had called in sick, were on a routine hunting trip. For the past half hour, Gwaine had been talking nonstop about everything from the maid who was obviously in love with him to the product he put in his hair, giving it it’s luxurious shine. His words, not Arthur’s. 

“Not if I can help it, Princess!” Gwaine said loudly, “I’ve got to fill all that empty space inside your skull somehow.”

“You know,” Merlin said with a grin, “He’s got a point. I find that the more I talk, the less I have to listen to you.” Arthur grumbled under his breath and searched for a good comeback. 

“With all your chatter about being smarter, I’m not the one who can’t properly clean the floors even with the help of magic.”

“I’d really like to see you try, Arthur,” Merlin said, quick wit at work, “Because if you don’t remember, I can literally force you to.” He waggled his finger tauntingly and sparks flew out. Boy, was it fun to tease Arthur about never realizing he had magic until he told him. 

“I seem to remember a certain vow about only ever using your magic for good,  _ Merlin _ .”

“Who said teaching a prat some manners wasn’t for the greater good?”

“He does make a fair point, sire,” said Lancelot. 

“You too?” Arthur exclaimed, “Merlin, because of your insolence, nobody respects me anymore! Next thing we know, George will be refusing chores!” Merlin laughed. 

“I hardly see that happening. Even with a dollophead of a master, he  _ requests _ them. Still makes polishing jokes, does he?” 

“I wouldn’t know,” Arthur grumbled, “I’ve done everything in my power to keep him away from me. I take it you have as well?” Merlin nodded his assent. 

“You two are too hard on the boy. What did he ever do to you?” Leon asked. 

“He showed up dressed exactly like Merlin when Merlin was missing and tried to force feed me breakfast in bed.”

“He insulted my ability to polish Arthur’s armor!”

“And your respect for me, but he was actually right on that one.” 

“He also stole one of my neckerchiefs, I’m sure of it.” 

“Alright then,” Leon said, “You apparently have very strong feelings about this. I’ll leave you to your griping.” He then rode to the front of the group while they entered a shallow ravine, and started up a conversation with Elyan. 

Just at that moment, as had happened on many other hunting trips, a figure in chainmail leapt from a ledge above them. 

All the knights drew their swords, but this was where things went very, very strangely. Normally, one man was no match for the knights and their prince. This time, however, something was wrong. 

One hit was all it took for Lancelot to fall off his horse and go unconscious. Leon couldn’t get his sword up fast enough, and he too was pushed off his horse, but didn’t sustain any real injury. And yet, he too went limp. Gwaine got off his mount himself, but seemed to lose his head for a moment and was hit in the skull by the hilt of the helmeted man’s sword. Elyan ran up next, while Arthur and Merlin moved on either side of the knight, prepared to attack if the final man failed. Arthur was baffled by how easily his men had been taken out, but he could berate them later. Now, he needed to get rid of the enemy. 

Elyan fell too, from a blow Arthur must have missed when he glanced at Merlin. What in the hell was going on? 

Then, instead of turning to the only remaining fighter, this mystery knight turned his face towards  _ Merlin.  _ He stalked towards him, sword glinting in the afternoon light. Merlin scrambled backwards, but his foot hit a root. He fell. 

Merlin was on his back, the knight was advancing, and Arthur standing, shocked, before finally moving. Merlin’s brain went blank. Fear was all encompassing, and images of old fights and nearly lost friends filled his mind. He shuffled backwards, barely moving, as the knight ran closer and Arthur tried to reach him. 

The man raised his sword above Merlin’s head, prepared to strike, when a thunderous “ _ NO _ !” echoed in the woods. Arthur leapt forward and tackled the knight to the ground, holding his sword to the exposed throat. 

His mind was trapped on that image of Merlin helpless on the forest floor, the sword raised above him, Arthur barely close enough. He had to force himself not to think of what would’ve happened had he been too late, or the knight had taken him out first. 

“Give me one reason I shouldn’t kill you right now,” He ground out, furious at the idea of someone hurting Merlin. His Merlin. 

“No, wait!” Called out… Lancelot? Hadn’t he been knocked out? 

“What?” Arthur snarled. 

“Don’t kill him, sire,” Leon this time. What was going on? 

“Why shouldn’t I?” 

Gwaine appeared in his peripheral vision. He held up his hands, free of a sword, and knelt by the head of the man. He gingerly, almost as if he wasn’t trying to hurt the man, removed his helmet. 

Arthur was kneeling on the chest of.... Percival?

“What the  _ hell _ were you doing?” He erupted. One of his own knights, attacking them? Trying to  _ kill _ Merlin? 

“Er....” the large man said, “Prank?” 

“You expect me to believe all of this was a prank?” Now he was lying to his prince! 

“No, no,” Gwaine said, “It was! We told Percival to call in sick and meet us here.” 

“And was this prank supposed to be funny?” Arthur was fuming. He wouldn’t be surprised if smoke began to billow out his ears.   
“Well… yes,” Gwaine said, “But I see now that it wasn’t. Sorry?” 

“Sorry? SORRY?” Arthur roared, getting to his feet and looking around at the knights, “You made me think you were going to  _ die _ ! You made me think MERLIN was going to die! And that’s all you have to say for yourselves?  _ Sorry _ ?” He glared around at his knights, until his gaze landed on Merlin. Sweet, kind, innocent Merlin, who was still stuck there, lying on his back in the dirt. 

Arthur forgot all of his rage as it was replaced by worry. He rushed to his knees beside the manservant, and pulled him to a sitting position. Fear was still there in the boy’s eyes, and Arthur’s concern grew. 

“Merlin?” he asked, “Merlin, are you okay? Everything’s alright now, you’re safe. Are you okay?” he asked again. His servant vacantly nodded his head. 

“I, uh,” he said, “I… don’t know what happened. Why didn’t I use my magic? What… what’s going on Arthur?” he whipped his head around, eyebrows pinching together and tears forming in his eyes. 

“It’s okay, Merlin,” Arthur whispered, “My idiot knights thought it would be a good idea to pull some kind of prank on us. I’m sorry, I’ll deal with them. Are you hurt?” Merlin glanced down at himself then hesitantly shook his head.

“I don’t think so. Why--why would they do that?” Merlin looked into Arthur’s eyes, with a distinctly lost look. 

“I don’t know,” he said kindly, before pulling Merlin to his chest. He was never one for public displays of affection, but his servant needed it, in that moment. Merlin clutched at his chest, letting one tear roll down his cheek. It would’ve been nice, holding Merlin like that, had Arthur still not been furious and incredibly concerned for Merlin. 

When Arthur finally looked up, all of his knights were standing in a huddle looking incredibly guilty. At that moment, he knew they didn’t mean to do this. In their misguided planning, this probably would’ve seemed like just another prank.

To be honest, Arthur didn’t care. 

“Alright,” he murmured in Merlin’s ear, “Let’s go make camp, Clotpole,” 

“That’s my word,” Merlin said with a shaky grin. 

“And it fits you perfectly. Now, you go find a nice place to sit. You won’t be helping at all tonight. Expect those bastards to be at your beck and call.”

“I like that idea,” the servant said before slouching off to a nearby clearing without that happy bounce in his step. 

Once Merlin was out of earshot, Arthur rounded on his knights. Fear replaced the guilt in their eyes. 

“One of you,” Arthur ordered, “Is going to tell what  _ exactly _ just happened, or I swear to the gods I will strip you of your knighthood here and now!” And so the fear grew. 

“Sire,” Leon said, “We feel terrible. We thought it’d be a fun prank, to have Percival dress up and take us all out like newborn squires. We didn’t realize how Merlin would react, and the second it happened we knew it was a stupid idea. We will do anything you wish for us to repent for what happened today, anything at all.” Arthur looked around at the other knights; they nodded and lowered their heads in assent. 

“Good,” he barked, “You will be taking over all of Merlin’s chores that do not involve dressing, feeding, or bathing me, and you will have five extra practice sessions each week for the next two months. If anything like this ever happens again, the punishment will be far worse. Now, go set up camp, and do anything Merlin asks of you. Am I understood?”

“Yes, sire,” all the knights said in unison. 

“Wonderful,” he said, tone still clipped, “Get to work.” All the knights hurried off to do various jobs, and Arthur made his way to Merlin. 

The servant was sitting beneath a tree on the edge of the clearing, arms wrapped around his knees. Arthur sat beside him.

“May I ask what happened back there?” Arthur said, “You could’ve taken him out with a look, Merlin. Why didn’t you?” Merlin leaned his head back to bump against the trunk, and close his eyes. 

“I don’t know,” he said, “It was almost like I was remembering so many things that I couldn’t focus on the present. I was half here, and half in the past.”

“What part of the past?”

“The worst parts. The parts where I thought you knew about my magic, and were going to hurt me. The parts with people trying to kill you, or when Morgana took over. When I was certain I was going to die, or thought I would lose you. All the times I nearly broke, because I was certain you would hate me. You’re right. I could’ve easily blasted him a hundred meters away, but in that moment, it felt impossible.” 

“Merlin?” Arthur said quietly. 

“Hm?”

“I think you just described battle shock.”

“What’s that?” Merlin looked over at him. 

“Really? You’re a physician's assistant and you don’t know what battle shock is?” Merlin gave him an annoyed look. “Alright, alright. It happens when a man or woman has been at war for too long. They get depressed, or trapped in memories, haunted by their past. They lose battles that would have been easy for them years ago, because all the fighting they’ve done has left a scar on their soul.”

But, I haven’t been fighting nearly as long as you or the knights,” Merlin said, “How come I have it and they don’t?” 

“Well, it’s because you’re a girl.”

“Arthur!” Merlin said, annoyed. 

“Alright, fine. An old knight told me that it really depends on the person, and the battle. A man can be at war for years, and not experience the horror of what someone else has in a month. Merlin, so much of the good you have done has been done alone. You never had anyone to protect you. I don’t even know half of the ways you have saved my life. But I need you to know that you never have to fight alone again. I will always be here to protect you. Always.” 

“Thank you,” Merlin said, looking down at his lap. “I’m sorry about what happened with the knights. I’m sure they feel really bad.”

“They should,” Arthur groused, “They deserve it. What they did to you, I will be angry with them for a long time. I know you’re too kind for your own good, but they really did something bad today. Although, for the next month you won’t be doing nearly as many chores.” Merlin looked up at him with a smile. 

“Thank you, Arthur,” he said. 

“Always.” Arthur pulled Merlin in for a hug, and smiled into his shoulder. 

They would be okay. 

* * *

The next night found the knights of the Round Table sitting in the tavern. Slouching, more like. 

For the past 24 hours, the knights had been doing every single thing they could to make up for how horribly they had acted. They didn’t even take the time to blame each other, they felt so bad.

Merlin was…  _ Merlin _ . He was kind and selfless and brave. He didn’t deserve a single thing done wrong to him, let alone to be terrified by his own friends. 

Gwaine banged his head on the table. 

“I’m. A. Horrible. Person,” he said, punctuating each word with a bang before looking at the other knights, “I’m so sorry men. This is all my fault. I came up with that stupid plan. Hell, you all didn’t even like my idea for this Step! But I convinced you, and we hurt Merlin!  _ Merlin!  _ We should just give up now, look what’s happened!”

“Gwaine,” Leon said softly, “If anything, this is just inspiration to continue. Yes, we made an enormous mistake. And we will work to right that every day. But didn’t you see? Arthur and Merlin obviously love each other. We can do the final step, in a few weeks.  _ Something _ good can come out of this.”

“Agreed,” Elyan said, “I bet finally getting to snog Arthur sure would cheer Merlin up, you know?” 

“Yeah,” Gwaine said, “Let’s do it! Lancelot?”

“What?” Lancelot asked, raising his head from where it had previously been resting on the table for the last fifteen minutes. 

“I bet you everyone’s drink tab that we would succeed. Technically, Arthur did ‘save’ Merlin. Drinks are on you tonight!” 

Lancelot didn’t respond. He merely thumped his forehead to the table, groaning low in his throat. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Leave me a comment to let me know your thoughts!


	5. Step Four: Set the Two Up on a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwaine sets Arthur and Merlin up on a date, and drunken flirting ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts off a little slow, but I'm very proud of my writing of drunk Merlin, considering I've never actually experienced it. #nerdlyfe. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Two months later, Operation Dollophead was back in motion for it’s final step. Well, second to final step, but all the knights considered Step Four the last one. 

The knights had gone above and beyond with each and every task Arthur assigned them. The extra training session meant they got a lot better a lot faster, and Merlin had been exceptionally happy after the shock from the hunting trip had worn off, thanks to his reduced workload. Arthur still had that little bit of anger in the back of his mind for what happened, but the knights were overall forgiven. 

Merlin, of course, had long ago forgiven the knights, and had been back to his usual antics with them by the second week. It would have been endearing, had Arthur still not worried he was merely covering up the pain. There was a distinct lack of pranks for the first month, but Merlin broke that by magically growing out Elyan’s hair after five weeks. 

All the knights had backed off from Operation Dollophead for the duration of their punishment, but now the final step was ready to be sprung. Done. Completed? Gwaine really needed to learn more words. 

Anyway, he had a plan, which was probably the smartest and easiest yet. First: Invite the prince and his manservant for drinks (paid for by him) at the tavern as one last apology. Two: Go to the bar first and have the barmaid put them on your tab, because you’re not a complete monster. Three: Tell said barmaid to tell the lovebirds that he had to rush out for an undisclosed reason that they didn’t need to worry about. Four: Leave them to their date. Five: See Step Five of The Five Step Plan.

Step one was accomplished, with some suspicion from Arthur, which eventually evolved into masked appreciation. Merlin was on board from the start; he rarely got to go to the tavern, despite what Gaius told Arthur. Now, for Step two. 

Gwaine strode into the tavern, smiling all the way. 

“Hello, Molly!” he called to the barmaid, “Beautiful day, isn’t it?” Molly glanced out the door which he came through, where it was pouring buckets. 

“Whatever you say, Gwaine,” she said, friendly annoyance crossing her face, “What can I do for you?”

“Well,” he said, then leaned forward conspiratorially, “I’ll take a pint of ale, but that’s not why I’m really here. See, I have a plan.”

“A plan?” she grinned at his antics. Boy, he may have tried to get her into his bed on their first meeting, but he was a good friend to have. 

“A plan.”

“This plan wouldn’t happen to be anything like the date for Lancelot and Gwen, would it?” she shuddered, remembering the chaos. 

“No, nothing like that at all,” he grinned cheekily. 

“Well then, I’m all ears,” Molly loved taking part in the various happenings of the knights. It made for good gossip, and spending time with Gwaine always proved interesting. 

“Okay, okay, if you insist. I promised the prince and Merlin that I would buy them drinks here tonight. I’m going to bail on them. Still put their drinks on my tab, I feel bad about last month,” Molly nodded. She remembered how down in the dumps all the knights had been after that trip. “But I’m not gonna show up. Make sure they stay uninterrupted, and once they leave I’ll come here so you can tell me how it went. That’ll work for you, right?”

“Sure,” she said, and fixed his drink while they talked. “Doesn’t sound too hard. May I ask why you aren’t coming?” Gwaine battled with himself internally. Molly was one of his closest friends, but could he trust her not to tell? It was one thing to try and set them up, but if this went wrong and everyone knew about it? Merlin and Arthur would never hear the end of it. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I’ll tell you if it works. If not, then there’s not really anything to tell.”

“Alright then, I understand,” she replied kindly, “Here’s your ale, you want to stay around a while and chat? I’ve got some gossip.” 

“Always,” Gwaine said, “What’ve you got for me?” 

“Well, you know the cobbler who was having the affair with the florist? Apparently, now he’s also seeing one of the squires.”

With that, they sunk deep into the meaningless secrets of the castle. Two hours later, Gwaine emerged rejuvenated, excited, and more than a little drunk. 

* * *

“Gwaine did say he’d meet us now, right?” asked Merlin. He and Arthur had just arrived at the tavern, fifteen minutes late, but there was no sign of Gwaine. 

“That’s what he told me this morning. He was acting shifty, maybe this is another prank?” Arthur scanned the tavern suspiciously, but the only odd thing going on tonight was the low number of patrons. 

“Er, Molly?” Merlin called out, getting the attention of the barmaid. She was a friend of Gwaine’s, perhaps she knew where he’d run off to. “Have you seen Gwaine?” She bustled over, nodding to Merlin and bowing to the prince. 

“Oh, yes, he was in here about three hours ago. Said to tell you three things. He can’t come, he is very sorry, and your drinks will be put on his tab. Do you still want to stay?” She gave them a pleading look. Every time Arthur visited the tavern, her income increased greatly. 

Arthur shared a glance with Merlin, and they both shrugged. 

“I can’t see the harm,” he said, “Thank you for telling us, Molly. We’ll both take a pint. Do you know why Gwaine couldn’t come?” She blushed at the royal remembering her name before she heard his question. She shifted uncomfortably. 

“Um, I don’t think so, your highness. It seemed important, but you never really know with Gwaine.”

“Right you are,” he said, “Well then. Merlin, why don’t you go find us a table.”

“Why can’t you do that?” his manservant asked petulantly, still annoyed from a certain goblet-throwing earlier. 

“Because I’m the future King and I said so. I also need to talk to Frank.” Frank was the best florist in Camelot, and Arthur may or may not have had a plan that was much smarter (and sweeter) than any of Gwaine’s. It wasn’t a very hard thing to do, but Arthur was still proud of himself. 

“Why in hell would you need to talk to _Frank_?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” Arthur said with a smirk. Merlin grumbled something that sounded vaguely like “spoiled clotpole” under his breath before moving away to find a table. 

Merlin sat at one of the nicer tables, which was almost always taken, and surveyed the tavern. 

Frank sat with the cobbler in the corner, which was also now occupied by Arthur. There were also two patrons Merlin didn’t recognize sitting at the bar, two other tables filled with servants, and a couple snogging in a different corner. It wasn’t nearly as packed at most days around this time, but Merlin didn’t really feel the need to worry about that. He was here to enjoy a nice drink with Arthur, and he planned on having fun. 

“So, Arthur,” he said once the prat had returned five minutes later with their drinks, “Want to tell me what that was all about?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Arthur smirked at him.

“You just had an entire conversation with Frank. You never talk to Frank. I didn’t even know you knew Frank. So, were you what, getting flowers?” Merlin looked him in the eyes, trying to detect what Arthur was thinking. 

“I told you, you’ll find out soon! In a couple days, I think. For now, don’t worry your empty little head over it, alright?” Merlin huffed, nodded, and took a sip of his ale. 

They continued to talk about random things, speculated about where Gwaine had gone off to, and planned some pranks of their own. Merlin steadily got more and more fuzzy headed, until the warlock had reached the bottom of his mug. He giggled and showed Arthur, swaying in his seat. 

“Wow,” Arthur said, “With all the times you’ve neglected your duties to be here, you really are a lightweight.”

“I told you,” the warlock hiccuped, “I’m never actually here! That’s just Gaiuses exc-- _hic_ \--use for when I’m,” he leaned forward, whispering in Arthur’s ear, “Magicking!” 

“Oh, yes,” the prince said with a small smile, “I’d forgotten. Now, what with all the _magicking_ you’ve been doing and how much you’ve had to drink, why don’t I get you home? That sound like a good idea?” 

“Okay!” Merlin said brightly, “Let’s do that! I’d do anything you ask me to, Arthur! I pledged my life to you, our-- _hic_ \-- Once and Future King!” He smiled up at Arthur, who had gotten him up out of his seat and put an arm around his waist. “And a handsome one at that!” Arthur blushed. Drunk Merlin was actually incredibly cute. 

“Molly!” Arthur called out, “Merlin’s had a bit too much to drink, so we’ll be heading out!” She waved to them and smiled. 

“Alright,” he said to Merlin, who was now clutching his chest, “Let’s go, dollophead. Are you alright to walk by yourself, or will I need to carry you like the helpless maiden you are?” Arthur could be more flirty with Merlin than he ever would have dared when the warlock was sober. Merlin rarely remembered what happened after he lost the ability to stand straight. He was the most susceptible to alcohol out of anyone Arthur had ever met.

“I am not a damsel!” Merlin exclaimed, “I can walk fine on my own, thank you very much!” 

“Really?” he asked, “Because the hands clinging to my arm and chest suggest otherwise.” He raised an eyebrow. 

“That doesn’t mean I can’t walk you colt- clote- clop- clotpole! Maybe they just.... Like you?” 

“Your hands _like me_?” Arthur chuckled. 

“Yeah! I think they do! So… you can carry me! But _not_ because I’m a damsel. I just can’t walk on my own.”

“So you admit it!” 

“Damn you Arthur!” Merlin pouted, “With your mind games and…. biceps!” 

“Why are you damning my biceps, Merlin?” Arthur asked, thoroughly enjoying himself. They had made no progress to the door, but this was far too much fun to interrupt. 

“No reason!” Merlin backtracked, “No reason at all. They just… well they were the first thing I saw when I couldn’t think of another thing to damn. Yeah, that’s why!”

“So you were looking at my biceps then.” 

“Yes. No! Just, take me to Gaius before my head falls off?” Merlin looked upset, so Arthur picked him up and slung him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. 

“Aghhh!” he cried out, “I thought you said you’d carry me like a damsel!”

“How do you know that this isn’t how I carry damsels?” Arthur trudged to the door. “Have you ever seen me carry a damsel?”

“I sure hope you don’t carry damsels like this. If you do, then no wonder any of the women your father set you up with worked out.”

“Yeah, and a couple other reasons,” Arthur mumbled under his breath. 

“What was that?” 

“Nothing!” Arthur carried Merlin down the street in silence and grinned jovially at everyone watching. 

Merlin swung slightly left and right on his shoulder. They saw Gwen on the way into the courtyard and both cheerfully waved at her laughing face while they passed. 

“You know,” Merlin said as they reached the steps, “I have been staring at your butt for the past five minutes, and you really need to work out more.” 

“Hey!” Arthur snapped at him, “Stop staring at my butt! And I do _not_ need to work out more.” 

“First of all, when you forced me to hang over your shoulder like this, you didn’t really give me any other choice. Looking at anything else makes me dizzy and I really don’t think you want me throwing up on you. And secondly, the notches in your belt and the distinct flabbiness of your rear end suggest otherwise.” 

“My rear end is not flabby, _Merlin_.” He growled, “Now shut up until I get you to your room.” A maid passing them on the stairs suppressed a giggle. 

“How would you know?” Merlin asked, very much not shutting up, “How often do you look back here. I have a better view than you ever will, and your butt is _flabby_!” 

“Shut up Merlin!” 

“No!” 

“ _Merlin!_ ” 

“I will not shut up! Never. I will keep talking until the end of-- _hic_ \-- time! You can’t stop me!” He continued rambling down the hallway, around the corner, and up to Gaius’s door. Arthur threw the door open, nodded to a stunned Gaius, and strode to the back of the main room. He did the same to Merlin’s door and unceremoniously dumped his manservant on the bed. Merlin groaned and rolled over, finally shutting up. Or not. 

“Urgh,” he moaned, “I hate you. I think I might puke. Are you happy now?” 

“Very,” Arthur said. He dragged over a chamber pot to the side of the bed, tucked Merlin under the covers, and patted his head. “You stay here. I’ll tell Gaius you drank too much, and that he should bring your food to you. Sleep it off, and I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.” He lightly slapped Merlin’s shoulder and got up to leave. 

“Thank you,” Merlin said, “I still hate you though!” 

“I’m sure you do,” Arthur said, still smiling. “Goodnight Merlin, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Night,” he said before smushing his head in the pillow. 

Arthur walked out of the room feeling incredibly happy with how the night had gone. 

* * *

Gwaine, followed by the knights of the Round Table, entered the tavern a little over an hour after Arthur and Merlin had left. He had employed a young boy to make sure they were gone, as well as persuade other patrons not to enter earlier in the evening, and paid him more money than the lad had probably ever seen in his life. He was enjoying the knight life. 

“So?” he asked, leaning against the bar beside Molly. 

“I think I know what your plan was,” she cryptically in response. 

“And what is that?” Lancelot appeared beside Gwaine while the rest of the knights found a table. 

“To get Arthur and Merlin together?” 

“Wow,” Lancelot remarked, “I see why you like her, Gwaine. This one’s smart.” 

“You don’t really have to be smart to tell with those two,” she said, a pleased grin on her face, “They were all over each other tonight. Once Merlin had a drink in him he was literally groping Arthur’s chest.”

“Really?” they both asked excitedly. 

“Yep. And Arthur was flirting with him, saw it with my own two eyes.” Lancelot and Gwaine highfives, which drew some cheer from the other knights. 

“Did they look like they were going to… you know, when they left?” 

“Well, Merlin was more than a little drunk,” she said slowly, “And Arthur said he was taking Merlin home, but maybe? I could tell they both wanted to, but that doesn’t mean they actually did anything.” 

“Damn,” Gwaine said, lightly slamming his fist on the table. “I guess we’ll find out tomorrow, then.” 

“I suppose so. I want to know what happened too, could you meet them here?” 

“Sure thing, sweetheart,” Gwaine’s smile was devoid of the flirtiness it usually had. Despite what many of the knights said, they were truly just close friends. Gwaine even tried to help set Molly up with the servant girl she had her eye on. 

“Thanks,” she said, “Now go join your friends. I get the sense I’ll be serving you all a lot tonight.” 

“Right you are,” he grinned, “Right you are.” 

Two hours later Elyan was passed out underneath the table, Gwaine was singing some shanty about a maiden and what sounded like a goat man, and Lancelot had lost at armwrestling with Leon, meaning he had to pay for all their drinks. 

Again.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter left! I've loved writing this, and the feedback I've been getting is great! I love ya'll. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading! Leave me a comment to let me know your thoughts!


	6. Step Five: Buy Yourself a Drink For a Job Well Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter(except the spontaneous epilogue I've added) is here. Some secrets are revealed, money regained, and an ending to the story that has become the piece of fanfiction I am probably most proud of. Enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you like the last chapter!

Gwaine had thought out what he was going to do next. Per Molly’s request, all the knights would meet up at the tavern. Arthur and Merlin would join them, and they would question the pair about last night. If Arthur and Merlin said they’d figured things out, huzzah and drinks all around. If they hadn’t, well then Gwaine was just going to yell until they realized they’d been pining after each other for years. Then they would kiss, huzzah and drinks all around. 

This plan repeated itself in his mind as he scrawled out, “Sorry about last night, something came up. Come meet me and the other knights at the tavern when you’re up, and bring Merlin. --Gwaine.” He slid the note under the door of the prince’s chambers, smirked at the guards, and left for the tavern, whistling a tune as he went. 

Today was going to be a good day. 

He hoped. 

* * *

“You know,” Arthur said as he and Merlin strolled through the courtyard. “This is the second time in two days Gwaine has invited us to the tavern. The first time, he didn’t even show, and now he wants to meet us there bright and early in the morning? What is wrong with that man?” 

“That is a question I have been asking myself for a while,” Merlin said, “And I have yet to find an answer for it. What do you think he wants this time?” 

“I have no clue whatsoever. He said all the other knights would be there too. Maybe another apology?” Merlin frowned at the idea.   
“I hope not,” the warlock said, “They do know we’re over that, right? Yes, it was horrible, but they didn’t mean to take it so far. I’m actually starting to wish everything would go back to normal.” Arthur grumbled under his breath. 

“Yeah,” he said, “Maybe you are. But I’m still angry at the lot of them. You could’ve gotten hurt, on top of how much it scared you!” Merlin patted his arm. 

“Arthur, we’ve been over this. Gaius is helping me deal with the battleshock, and we explained it to the knights. Remember? Percival actually started tearing up when he realized what happened?” Arthur nodded silently. He had felt sympathy for the man at that moment, despite his anger. 

“Ugh, fine,” he said, “You’re at least a little right. Let’s just get this over with?” He pushed open the tavern door for Merlin. 

“Did Arthur Pendragon just  _ agree _ with me and  _ then _ open the door like a gentleman?” Arthur was mercifully relieved of the job of coming up with a witty comeback when all the knights noticed their presence in the now normally crowded tavern. 

“Oy!” Gwaine called out. His arm was wrapped around the shoulders of Molly. “Over here!” Arthur nodded his head in acknowledgement, and they threaded their way through the crowd to reach their friends. 

“So, Gwaine,” he said, a hint of ice in his words, “What  _ exactly _ are we all doing here this early in the morning? And why didn’t you show up last night?” 

“Ah, yes,” Lancelot said before Gwaine got a chance to make up some poor excuse, “How was your evening here in this fine establishment?”

“Er, nothing out of the ordinary,” Arthur said, slightly confused by the devious tone in his voice. “We drank, talked, Merlin got drunk, and I took him home.”

“Yes!” Elyan called out, earning a raised eyebrow from the prince and his manservant. 

“Hang on, Elyan,” Leon said, “When you say you took him home, you took him to…”

“His room. In Gaius’s chambers. Where else? Are you all alright?” he heard a muffled “dammit” from Elyan. 

“Well, your majesty,” Gwaine only called him your majesty when he was doing something particularly tricky. “For the past…” he counted on his fingers, “two and a half months, there has been a certain plan in motion.” Arthur shoved his face in his hands. This could only mean trouble. 

“And what kind of plan was this, Gwaine?” Merlin asked. He sounded mildly annoyed, but mostly like he was enjoying himself. 

“Leon?” Gwaine prompted. 

“Why me?”

“Because Arthur likes you most.”

“No he doesn’t!” 

“Well he trusts you the most.” 

“Fair enough,” Leon groaned, before snagging a ripped piece of paper that had been resting in the center of the table. “Alright. Arthur, Merlin, a bit over two months ago, Gwaine came to us with a plan.”

“Tell them the title,” Gwaine hissed loudly. 

“Okay, okay, don’t rush me! It’s called ‘Gwaine’s Five Step Plan to Get the Clotpole and Dollophead Together.’” he cringed backwards, prepared for an outburst from Arthur. However, it was Merlin who spoke up. Arthur was staring at them in brooding silence. 

“And the Clotpole would be…?”

“Arthur,” Lancelot supplied, “And you’re the Dollophead!” He grinned, proud of himself. 

“So this plan,” Merlin said slowly, “Was an attempt to get us to begin courting?” 

“Yes! The unresolved sexual tension was too strong!” said Gwaine, while all the knights nodded. 

“So…” Arthur said, his first time speaking since he learned of the plan. “What exactly are the five steps?” Leon read them off one by one. Merlin was giggling by the second, but Arthur glowered at the fourth. 

“That stunt in the forest was just to make me save him?” he was bordering on yelling. Merlin controlled his laughter enough to hush him. 

“Shut up, Arthur! Don’t you see, it just means they had actually good intentions?” Arthur shrugged and nodded, but his teeth were grinding. The knights looked at them in confusion. 

“Er, not that this is a bad thing,” Lancelot said, “But you two don’t seem to have any problem that we tried to set you up. I was kind of expecting you to be…. Angry?” With this, Merlin devolved into full on cackling. All the knights stared on in bewilderment, and Arthur started chuckling. 

“Merlin?” Leon asked, “Would you be so kind as to tell us what is causing you to sound like a wounded donkey?” Merlin’s chest heaved as he caught his breath, rogue bits of laughter still escaping his mouth. 

“Arthur?” he gasped, “Would you mind explaining?” He nodded, a wide smile now on his face. He didn’t realize how much he missed his friends when he was angry with them. He decided from then on, he would try much harder to forgive them. Merlin was right, they really did have good intentions. 

“Well, your efforts were fruitless, I’m afraid,” he began before Gwaine cut in. 

“But you obviously love each other, why?” 

“Not,” Arthur said loudly, drowning out the knight, “Because we don’t love each other. We do. Very much.” Gasps whipped around the table. “However, something that you all apparently didn’t know, is that _we are already together_.”   
“What?!” exclaimed Leon. Merlin, who had started laughing again, finally regained the ability to speak and explained. 

“When I told Arthur about my magic he kissed me. We thought you all knew!” 

“Obviously not!” Elyan bursted out, “Or else we wouldn’t have taken part in this stupid plan!” 

“Was it good?” Percival asked. 

“Percival!” yelled Arthur in shock. 

“Very good,” said Merlin smugly. 

“Nooo!” Gwaine groaned, pounding his head on the table. 

“What’s wrong Gwaine?” asked Merlin, “I thought this whole plan was your idea?”

“It was! And the whole point of it was to get rid of the UST! But apparently, since you were  _ already together _ it’s just the ST! Which means it’s never. Ever. Going. Away!” He pounded his head once more for good measure, and Molly rubbed his back comfortingly. 

“You know,” Lancelot said, “There is one good thing to come out of this.” 

“And what is that?” Arthur asked, bemused by the knights reactions. 

“Well,” the knight said, fake pondering, “If you were already together, and this plan would never have worked because of that, all the money I lost because of it was cheated out of me. Which means you,  _ Gwaine _ , are going to pay me back every. Last. Cent.” Gwaine just groaned again, obviously in severe pain. 

Lancelot had to say. This step went spectacularly well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! The epilogue is most likely already up when you're reading this, and I hope you like it! Leave me a comment to let me know your thoughts!


	7. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for sticking with me all the way through. Though this isn't a super long fic, it is the longest I have ever written, and it means a lot to me that you read it. Now, please enjoy a tooth-rotting epilogue!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love ya'll! Enjoy!

“Arthur!” Merlin called out as he entered the prince’s chambers, “His royal highness! Clotpole! Dollophead! Monkey’s--” he cut off when he saw what was resting on the table. 

A large bouquet of flowers in an ornate vase was placed delicately on Arthur’s dining table. The flowers were beautifully white and sky blue, surrounded with green leaves and the occasional twig. It was an incredible arrangement. A small rush of jealousy went through Merlin as he wondered who had picked these out for  _ his _ prat, but he soon found a card resting in front of the vase. " _ Merlin" _ was writing on its front in a beautiful scrawl. He opened the card and his heart bloomed at the words. 

_ I had ordered these flowers made for you before, but the knights yesterday only cemented their importance to me. Merlin, I don’t want anyone to think that I don’t love you more than the world itself ever again. You matter so much to me, and I hope that one day everyone in all of Albion will know that. I wish I could hang a sign around your neck proclaiming to the world “I am loved by Prince Arthur.”  _

_ Was that sweet or creepy? I’m no good at love letters. However, I will try. Here goes: _

_ I love you Merlin, so much. I love everything about you. I love your smile when you tease me, the way your hair is ruffled up after you’ve just woken up. I love how smart you are, and I love the way your magic reaches out and surrounds me in times of need. I love how protective of your friends you are, and I love the way you can make me laugh even in the hardest of times. I have loved you more vastly and strongly than anything I have ever known, and I want you to know that every day of our life together. And that is what I intend to have with you, a life. When I am King, I will bring back magic to Camelot. You have shown me that it can do such incredible good. If I can change the laws, you will rule as my king by my side. If not, then as my consort. I also intend to make you Court Warlock, if all of that is okay with you, of course.  _

_ Merlin, you mean everything to me. I know we have only been with each other for a year, but we have been friends much longer, and I cannot imagine my life without you. While this may seem fruitless at the moment, we can complete the next step someday. So.  _

_ Merlin of Ealdor, the warlock who stole my heart, will you marry me? _

Merlin looked up, shocked. He heard rustling behind him, and there, as if he had appeared from nowhere, was Arthur. On one knee. Staring at Merlin. With a ring in his hand.

Merlin’s hand shot to his mouth, and tears sprung in his eyes. 

“So?” asked Arthur, obviously nervous. “Will you?” Merlin stared at the man. This beautiful, brave, kind, intelligent, loving man who made all those years hiding, and especially these in the open, worth it. 

He nodded hesitantly, then rapidly as he sunk to his knees in front of the prince. 

“Yes, Arthur,” he gasped, “Of course!” 

“Oh thank the Gods,” Arthur sagged, then wrapped Merlin in his arms. He pressed a kiss to the man’s lips, and they both smiled into it. 

“Arthur,” Merlin said, “I love you so much. More than words could ever describe.”

“And I, you, my lovely Clotpole.” 

“That’s my word.”

“And it suits you perfectly.” They devolved into another round of kissing, ‘I love you’s murmured between them. 

For the first time in a very long time, Merlin was completely certain everything would be okay. 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Leave your thoughts with a comment!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so so much for reading this! I really hope you liked it, and if you did, leave me a comment/kudos to let me know! Ya'll are the best, thanks again for reading! :)


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